Sher, Shayari n Jokes

Johnny Johnny Reloaded......REPLY

2009-12-08T23:46:00.000-08:00

Johny Johny?
Yes Papa

Pvt Company?
Yes Papa
Any Motivation?
No Papa
Many Tension?
Yes Papa
Do u Sleep well?
No Papa
Onsite Opportunity?
No papa
Boss Ki Galiyan?
Yes Papa

Increment?
Ha ha ha :)

माझा राजा शिवाजी,

2009-12-08T23:42:00.000-08:00

माझा राजा शिवाजी,

परवा परवा मुंबईमध्ये हिंदु- मुसलमानांची दंगल झाली, का झाली, कशासाठी झाली, कारणं परंपरा हा भाग वेगळा,... पण त्या दंगलीचा फायदा उठ्वून, एका मुस्लिम मोहल्ल्यामध्ये काहि गुंड होते आणि त्याच मुस्लिम मोहल्ल्यामध्ये एन पंचविशितली एक लावण्यखणी युवती होती. देखणी,.... आरसपणी.. बस बघावं आणि बघतच रहावं इतकी लावण्यखणी, या गुंडांचा तिच्यावर डोळा होता, दंगलीच्या कल्लोळाचा फायदा उठ्वावा आणि त्या युवतीची आब्रु लुटावी......असा बेत त्यांनी आखला आणि दंगल एन जोमात असतानाच ,रात्रिच्या बारा साडे बारा वाजता काळोख चिरत हे सगळे त्या युवतीच्या घराच्या दिशेने सरकू लागले..........
बघता बघता दरवाजावर धड्का पडू लागल्या , आतली ती बावरली..... शहारली........घाबरली,
खिडकितुन बघितलं.... गुंड दिसले... इरादा ध्यानी आला तसे जिवाच्या आकांताने धावत सुटली.
मुंबईच्या रस्त्यावरुन रात्रिच्या बारा साडे बारा वाजता बेभानपणे पळतेय. गुंड पाठलागावर आहेत, तिला कळून चुकलं....या गुंडांच्या तावडीत जर सापडलो तर आपल्या आब्रुची लक्तरे ईथे रस्त्यावरच टांगली जातील,म्हणून बेभान पळतेय जिवाच्या आकांताने काळोख चिरत धावतेय.....धावता....धावता एका बोळात
शिरली बोळातल्या एका घरात तीला उजेड दिसला धपापत्या उरानं दारापुढं आली.... दार ठोठावलं दार उघडलं गेलं.....दारात उभा होता एक एन तिशीतला एक हिंदु युवक.........
दारात मुसलमानी पाहीली त्याला आश्चर्य वाटले. बाहेर दंगल चाललीय हिंदु- मुसलमानांची हि मुलगी मुसलमान मग या हिंदुच्या दारापुढं कशी?.....
त्याने विचारले "काय हवयं?"
ती युवती म्हणाली " काही गुंड माझ्या पाठलागावर आहेत, एका रात्री पुरता मला आसरा मिळेल का? माझी आब्रु लुटायचा बेत आहे त्यांचा."
हा युवक म्हटला "निश्चिंत आत ये घर तुझच आहे" तिला आत घेतलं, स्वतःच अंथरुण्-पांघरुन दिलं आणि सांगितलं "शांत झोप इथ तुला कसलीही भिती नाहि, मी स्वता: दाराशी राखण करीत राहतो रात्रभर.. ते गुंड परत येणार नाहित तुला त्रास दयायला."
ती युवती युवती झोपी गेली, हा दाराशी राखण करीत बसला, पण राखण करता करता डोक्यात विचार आला.... बाहेर दंगल चाललीय हिंदु- मुसलमानांची हि मुलगी मुसलमान मी हिंदु मग या हिंदुच्या घरात तिने आसरा मगितलाच कसा?.....तिला भिती नाही का वाटली?..... आणि ते गुंड तिची आब्रु लुटाण्यासाठी तिच्या मागावर आहेत..... मि ही घरात एकटाच आहे, मी हि तरुण आहे,
मनात आणलं तर ...आता... याक्षणी....इथच... या युवतीची आब्रु मि लुटु शकतो, हिला माझ्या तावडीतून वाचवणारं देखिल कोणी नाही......मग कुठ्ल्या भरवशावर ती माझ्या घरात निश्चिंत पणे थांबलीय?
रात्रभर विचार केला उत्तर मिळलं नाहि..... सकाळ झाली ति युवती जायला निघाली जाताना तिनं आभार मानले.........पण न रहावून याने विचारले
"बाहेर दंगल चाललीय हिंदु- मुसलमानांची तू मुसलमान मी हिंदु मग माझ्या घरात आसरा कसा मगितलास ? ते गुंड तूझी आब्रु लुटाण्यासाठी तूझ्या मागावर होते...पण मि ही घरात एकटाच होतो....... मी हि तरुण होतो...........मनात आणलं तर रातोरात तुझी आब्रु मि लुटु शकलो आसतो.........तूला माझ्या तावडीतून वाचवणारं देखिल कोणी नव्हतं ......मग कुठ्ल्या भरवशावर ती माझ्या घरात थांबलीस?
त्यावर ती युवती म्हणाली "त्या गुंडांच्या तावडीतून सुटण्यासाठी मी बेभानपणे धावत होती. मुंबईच्या रस्त्यावरुन सैरावैरा पळत होते.......धावता....धावता या बोळात शिरली बोळातल्या तुझ्या घरात मला उजेड दिसला धपापत्या उरानं मी दारापुढं आले.... पण दार ठोठवायच्या अगोदर तुझ्या घराच्या उघड्या खिडकीतून मि आत डोकावुन पाहिलं तर तुझ्या घराच्या भिंतीवर मला........छत्रपती शिवाजी महाराजांचा फोटो दिसला..........आणि मगच मी दार ठोठावलं.................
कारण मला माहिती आहे,... ज्या घरात छत्रपती शिवाजी महाराजांचा फोटो आहे त्या घरात कुणाच्याही आब्रुला धोका नाही.....

पाहिलतं गेल्या साडे तिनशे वर्षा नंतरही माझ्या शिवाजी राजा बद्द्ल जनमाणसांमध्ये जी प्रतिमा आहे...ती हिच प्रतिमा आहे
शिवाजी राजे स्मरणात आहेत ते फक्त एव्हढ्यासाठी.......... त्यांचा जयजयकार आहे तो फक्त एव्हढ्यासाठी.......... त्यांच्या विचरांचा जागर आहे तो सुद्धा फक्त एव्हढ्यासाठी
जय शिवाजी.........
धन्यवाद,

~s/w Engg.'s Orkut prOfile~

2009-12-08T23:39:00.000-08:00

Profile of a Software Engineer (Orkut)... Do read.!!!!

About me : I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone!! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (If you know me--> "Just stop laughing!!")

Relationship status : what?
Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.
Age : 10111
Here for: web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly.
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Drinking : The first is this.
Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. J
Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage: http://naukri. com , http://jobsahead. com ß - Isnt it Ultimate???
Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities: Are you crazy?
Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored.
Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.
Tv shows : can't afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of Home.

"A Wednesday"...( Rephrased)

2009-12-08T23:35:00.000-08:00

All of you who have seen the movie ‘A Wednesday’... will love it...

Project Manager Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehcan hai tumhari ?

Unkonwn Caller : Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...

mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

mein vo hoon jiski girlfriend usse friday ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "
mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi, rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe
boss ke bulane pe mein saturdary ki date cancel to nahi kar raha...

mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to...

mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain
kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal mey fasta hai.

Project office ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se ko bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..

I'm the same old ..STUPID SOFTWARE ENGINEER....

Joke of the century

2009-01-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

Once 3 Sardars decided to go on a picnic.

When they got there, they realized that they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest Sardar said he would go home & get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back.
The other two agreed to wait patiently.
An hour went by,

Then a Day,
followed by a week,
a month,
finally a year...

the 2 Sardars said
'oh, come on, let's eat the snacks'

.....
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....
....
....
....
.....
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.....
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.....
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.....
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.....
.....

Suddenly the Young Sardar popped up from behind a rock and said

'If you do like this, I won't go.'

Read it carefully upto the bottom!................Its funny & Interesting !!!!!!!!!

2009-01-07T04:38:00.000-08:00

7 Auditors and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.

So they both gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying to prove their...............
superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :

7 Auditors take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives,
All 7 Auditors get in one toilet So when TC knocks ,

one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes....... away....

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct trainto PUNE.

So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they
can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :

Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....

All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket................ Auditors don't buy any ticket

at all!!!!!........................TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL AUDITORS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..

One Auditor gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand
comes with the tickets,
he takes the ticket and comes in Auditors Bathroom...

TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined !

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :

SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station.

Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the
local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...................Auditors BUY all 7
tickets this time..............

SO TC Comes.. All Auditors showed their tickets.....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the...............LOCAL
train...........

Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess
with ................Auditors.

This is priceless !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-07T04:35:00.000-08:00

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember
fairies are female.....

Funny T-shirt Ads

2008-11-11T23:26:00.000-08:00

Mindblowing Question...

2008-10-30T00:54:00.000-07:00

An Indian and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from
Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would
like to play a fun-game.
The Indian, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy
and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you
pay
me $5, and vice versa."
Again, the Indian declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer,
you
pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the Indian's attention and, figuring there will be no end to
this
torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the
earth
to the moon?"
The Indian doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5
bill
and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
So the Indian asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
with four legs?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches
the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
co-workers.
Checks the input. All to no avail!
Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Indian and hands him $500.
The Indian thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Indian and asks,

"Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Indian reaches into his purse, hands the American
$5,
and goes back to sleep!

Great One by God

2008-10-30T00:48:00.000-07:00

WOMAN AND GOD

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live"

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

(You'll love this!!!)

..
.
..
.
..
.
..
.
..
.
..
.
..
.
God replied,
"I didn't recognize you."

Ghayal Coder - dialogues mast ......

2008-10-30T00:41:00.000-07:00

Latest dialogues from the movie "Ghayal Coder" under production:

Sunny Deol: Bench pe bench, bench pe bench, Log paglon ki tarah training mein raat raat bhar padhte rahe aur unhe mili toh sirf bench!

Analysisi of algorithm karte karte unki khudki life ban gayi ek unsolvable algorithm aur unhe bhi mili to sirf bench!

Training ke baad proj milega, phir appraisal hoga, phir onsite jaoonga isi soch mein logon ne training clear kar di aur
unhe bhi mili toh sirf bench!

Bench par baithe baithe log khud ban gaye hai ek bench, aur phir bhi unhe mili toh bench!

Sunny Deol: Chaddha samjao ise....
Coding karne ke liye jo jigar chahiye hota hai wo kisi bazaar mein nahi milta...
Coder use lekar paida hota hai....

Sunny Deol: Aur jab yeh Java ka code kisi Dotnet wale ko karna pad jata hai na,
Toh coder uth ta nahi, balki is duniya se uth jaata hai............

Sunny Deol: Bazaar main aise code bahot milte lekin unko chalane k liye jo seena chaiye hta hai who ek coder lekar paida hta hai

Developer Nana Patekar's dialogue:
Bang Bang Bang...(on the keyboard)...

Ye dekho ...
Ye 'C' ka code.. ye 'C++' ka code... Ye dono mila diya...

Ab bata tester - 'C' ka kaunsa, 'C++' ka kaunsa???

Jab banane waale ne ismein koi farak nahi kiya to tum kaun ho farak karne waale.... Bata bata

College ke din bollywood style ....

2008-10-30T00:40:00.000-07:00

1. college ------- yaadein

2.pricipal ------ Jaani Dushman

3.classes ------- kabhi kabhi

4.canteen------- kabhi alvida na kehna

5.course -------- godzilla

6.exams -------- kalyug

7.examination hall---- chamber of secret

8.exam-time ---------- qayamat se qayamt tak

9. question paper --------- paheli

10.answer paper ---------- kora kagaz

11.cheating ---------- aksar/chupke chupke

12. paper out ---------- plan

13.examiner ------------- the killer

14.last exam ----------- independence day

15.paper correction --------- andha kanoon

16.marks ----------- assambhav

17.result ----------- murder

18.pass ------------ ajjoba/ chamatkar

19. fail ----------- devdas

20.supplementary ------- aakhri raasta

21.vacation ------------- waah life hoto aisi

Current world financial situation Indian way

2008-10-30T00:37:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in a village in India , a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.

The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ' Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50. '

The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!

Love letter....nice one

2008-10-22T02:16:00.000-07:00

A young attractive teenage college girl received a love letter from her
classmate. It was as follows:

My dear Swapna,
Please answer the following questionnaire. You will get 10 marks for (a), 5
marks for (b) and 3 marks for (c). If you have scored more than 40, then you
love me. Don't delay to express it. If you have scored between 30 and 40,
love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have
scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

1) Whenever you enter the classroom, your sight always falls on me because
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't resist seeing me
(c) really.... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped
singing because
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared whether I'd like your song

4) When you were showing your nude child photo, when I asked for it, you hid
it because
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy if I would imagine you nude
(c) you don't know

5) During trekking, my friend and myself gave you hand for lifting you. You
took only my friend's because
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel like leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus.
(a) You were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because
(a) I am going to be their son-in-law
(b) you just wanted to know what your parents think about me
(c) you just felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a
rose on your head because
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at
6:00 AM because
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual

Eagerly awaiting the result of Love Exam
- Aakash

Swapna's reply letter was also in Q/A format.

Aakash,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class,
sees them
(a) Yes
(b) No

2) If a girl laughs and sees anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes
(b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop
singing or not?
(a) Yes
(b) No

4) I was showing the photo to my friends who are girls. You poked you nose
inside....right?
(a) Yes
(b) No

5) I avoided holding your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes
(b) No

6) Should I not wait for my friend (girl)?
(a) Yes
(b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes
(b) No

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, and banana's flower. Is
it true?
(a) Yes
(b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I saw you in the temple. I
come daily to the temple. Do you know?
(a) Yes
(b) No

If you have answered, "Yes" to any of the question, then I do not love
you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Sardarji great

2008-10-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

**************************************

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

**************************************

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

**************************************

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....

**************************************

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

**************************************

Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..

**************************************

A Teacher lecturing on population:

"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "

**************************************

A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

**************************************

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"

**************************************

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

**************************************

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!

**************************************

Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".

**************************************

Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe haath!!"

**************************************

Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"

**************************************

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"

**************************************

A sardar was drawing money from ATM,

The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

**************************************

Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!

**************************************

Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........

**************************************

Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

Sardars are back.... few fresh jokes

2008-10-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha
--------------------------------------
Sardar 2 doctr: Mujhe 1 problem haiDR: Kya?Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi detaDr: aisa kab hota hai?Sardar: Phone karte waqt
--------------------------------------
Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hunMan: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun
--------------------------------------
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 variticket to le le"
--------------------------------------
Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?Sardar bola, Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega
--------------------------------------
Hitler says,"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karnatha na"
--------------------------------------
Sardar: Yar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k lye.Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
--------------------------------------
1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda soo hi jaye
--------------------------------------
1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya.1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!Sardar: Mere uper se hawai-jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheezhai?
--------------------------------------
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.
--------------------------------------
In bio practical:Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?Sardar: I don't know.Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?Sardar: See my legs & tell my name

If You Love Someone

2007-02-08T05:07:00.000-08:00

THE ORIGINAL QUOTE
If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

THE NEW VERSIONS R.....

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ..
If she doesn't come back,
continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat ...

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.
Statisticians :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable
anyway.

Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person :
If you love someone
don't set her free.

MBA :
If you love someone set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously
Psychologist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market

American President:
If you love someone
Set her free
If she comes back she must be carrying weapons of mass destruction, so attack Iraq
If she doesn't, it’s the work of Osama so attack Afghanistan

Wah! Wah! Jiyo mere laal!

2006-12-04T22:53:00.000-08:00

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held.The professor passed out a sheets of small paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.

The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. Our student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute. Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the worst test I have ever written."

The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have not filled in anything and you definitely have failed the test. Tell me, what's your name?"

The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, "You tell me..."

PJ Sher Shayari - Pyar Ishq Mohabbat

2006-11-20T00:41:00.000-08:00

Dil ki baat dil mein mat rakhna,
Jo pasand ho usse ILU kehna,
Agar wo ghusse mein aa jaaey to darna mat ,
Raakhi nikalna aur kehna pyari behna milti rehna...

School Mein Ishq Ka Naya Mahool Tyar Ho Gaya,
Class Ki Teacher Ko Papu Se Pyar Ho Gaya.
Iss Baat Se Sari Class Ka Dil Udas Ho Gaya,
Sari Class Fail, Aur..... Papu Pass Ho Gaya....

UNKI GALI SE MERA JANAZA NIKLA
WO NA NIKLE JINKE LIYE JANAZA NIKLA,
UNKA GHAR AAYA TO MERE DOST SITI BAJANE LAGE,
RAKHKE MERA JANAZA KAMINE USKO PATANE LAGE....

Tere gam me tadap kar mar jayenge,
Mar gaye to tera naam lejayenge...
Rishwat de ke tujhe bhi bulaenge,
Tum upar aaoge to saath baith ke Kurkure khaenge....

Arz kiya hai!!!...Itne kamjor hue teri judai se...
Gaur farmaiye...Itne kamjor hue teri judai se...
Ki chinti bhi ab kheech le jaati hai charpai se....

har khushi ko teri taraf moor doo.
Tery liye chand taare tak toor doo.
khushiyo k darwazey tere liye khol doo..
Itna kaafi hai ya do char or jhoot bole doon....

Ek ladki thi dewani si.
Mobile lekar chalti thi, nazre jhukake,
Mobile mein kuch karti thi. Jab bhi milti thi mujhse,
Yehi pucha karti thi... Ye chalu kaise hota hai?

Wah! Wah! Kya Jawab hai!

2006-11-15T23:03:00.000-08:00

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, "Er...excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice : "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.

After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND RUPEES. THATS TOO MUCH !"

World's smallest resignation letter

2006-11-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Sir,

I Love your Wife.

Thank You!

Happy Childrens Day - 14 November 2006

2006-11-14T01:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Children’s Day and don't forget this day comes exactly NINE months after the Valentine's Day, 14 February ;)

Job Opening

2006-11-04T03:30:00.000-08:00

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.
Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.

Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives: Total gross ( Monthly ) :-
2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
10 bike rides each duration 1 hour
5 trips to National Highways
5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple
10 Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
2 movies ( Family movies only ) per month (on weekends)
Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend(On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and
To the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will Be informed on joining

The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Pomotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

ELIGIBILITY:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.
Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.

Search,,,,,,, never ends!!
Intrested candidates can send their resume with Subject : Name/fresher-exp/age.
Photo must be in attachement.

Note: Without photo applications will be rejected.

Munnabhai programmer, bole to...

2006-11-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum...
saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai...
template me subclassing karke apanaa timepass hota hai....
copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush...!!!
fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?
are kaiko ?
arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila.....
ya haaaaaaaaaa! !!!
saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya ...
computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa...!!!
appun ko lagaa appun kaa beda paar ho gaya...
boleto baap saala appun ko bhi kaam mil gaya...!!!
din bhar appun computer ke aagge...
koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi...
tin din naa Raghu se raada na Abbhi se pangaa
bass choop chaap...
appun kaa bhidulog saala dar gaya...
bola kya be manya saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya...!!!
phir ek din appun ko kaam kartaa dekh vikya bola...
ye munnabhai kya coding bana rela hai baap...!!!
vikya ko pakdaa...
bola idhar aa shane tereko coding seekhataa hai...
saale ko itnaa dhoyaa itnaa dhoyaa...
abhi tak thobdaa waakadaa hai ...
aur aaj tak uska forms ke saath chattis kaa aakdaa hai...!!!
samzaa ...?
samzaa...?
samzaaa naa...?

(fir ...? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya...
form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya...!!!
lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya...!!!
par DTS me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya...!!!
appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali...
aapun ke coding ki poori waat laga di....
appun udharich khadaa thaa...
par appun kuch nahi bola...
kaiko bolega?
kaiko...?
saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa...
usme bhi itne bugs...
par appun ek aansu nahi roya...
kaiko royega...?
kaiko..?
saala appunich yedaa thaa naa...!!!
agale din se phir wohi life chalu...
wohi gande mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi assignments. ..
saala itnaa mails forward kiya...
itnaa mails forward kiya...
log samze mail server down hoyega...
bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya karega...!!!
training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai...
haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai...

(phir ...? phir kya huwa..?)

fir ...?fir kya...?
fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila...!!!
shaappak...
saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya ...
computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa...!!!
ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooo oooo

More of Santa n Banta 4u

2006-10-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

Banta PURI LIFE ONLY 1 THING SOCHTE SOCHTE MAR GAYA KI MERE ko TO 2 BROTHERS HAI PHIR MERI SISTER KE 3 BROTHERS KAISE.

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1. Strength: My wife,Jeeto.
2. Weakness: Banta's wife,Preeto.
3. Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4. Threat: When I am on tour.

Teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
Banta: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara

Teacher: is line ki english banao, "usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya".
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....

Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up wen he comes.!!..

============= Courtsey: Swapnita Rath ==============

The 4 laws of projects

2006-10-15T01:18:00.000-07:00

LAW #1 : The good looking BABES always join the other project.
LAW #2 : Your project is always ALL-MALE project.
LAW #3 : The good looking GIRL joins that project which already has maximum number of good looking GIRLS.
LAW #4 : And in the remote case if any good looking GIRL joins your project, the following scenarios are likely -

- She is married
- she is engaged
- she has a Boy-Friend
- She is not that "TYPE"

Funny Apology Letter - Sure to make you LOL

2006-10-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Delhi. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing... below is his apology letter to the Head of the School, read on, its the funniest letter.

Deer sur,
If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.
This is my fist vijit to Dali. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.
I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk.
At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.
Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life. I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first.
I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.
May God blast you!"
Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN YADAV

Shayari Mukabala in IT Industry

2006-10-12T22:36:00.000-07:00

Shayari from IT boss to Employee
Arz kiya hai .........
Transactions hote hain ...
Errors ka sama hota hai ....
Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai ....
Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte ...
Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai ....
(hud hud .......wah wah .)

Employee's reply in Shayari andaz...
Arz kiya hai .........
Promotion hote hain ...
Dissappointment ka sama hota hai ...
Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai ..
Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte ...
Ye fasana to Resignation se bayan hota hai ....
(wah wah ... wah wah)

Permanent Link to this post: Shayari mukabala, contributed by Shilpa Ramappa

Employee's Prayer

2006-10-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

Dear God I beg you to....
Give me the wisdom to understand my boss
Give me the love to forgive him
Give me the patience to understand his actions

But dear God, don't present me strength.
Because if you give me strength ...... I will break his skull!

Wise Advice - Be Smart

2006-10-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell a Woman........
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him. Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this :
Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT be PUNISHed TWICE for the same Mistake.

Well lastly a serious one for all of us
"A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

Your wife's rating to your Actions

2006-09-28T04:36:00.000-07:00

How to take care of your wife…
In the world, one single rule applies to the men:
Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+8)
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY
-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Tshirt Quotes

2006-09-27T02:05:00.000-07:00

A Few Quotes on Girls T-Shirt

1. There’s a face above this. Don’t forget!

2. Objects here appear bigger than they are!

3. Ahhh! I made you look at it!

4. This one is really tough for Edmund Hillary!

5. FCK. All that missing is U!

6. Don’t try to find Sun here. Its not mountain!

Biting nails makes you FAT

2006-09-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.
"I won't do it any more, Mom" says the daughter.

Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. "If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?"
"You'll be fatter than that" says her mother.

They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl, "Excuse me, but do you know me?"
And the little girl says, "No, but I know what you've been doing..."

============= From Adarsha Deshbhratar =============

Office Humor - Love for Boss

2006-09-19T01:03:00.000-07:00

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the boss's wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEPCALLING?"

He replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..." :)

Visual Jokes - Desi Style

2006-09-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

Desi Version of "Da Vinci Code"

Funny Hindi Letter from a wife

Santa as Priest of a Church

2006-09-08T03:44:00.000-07:00

Fed up with people making fun of him, Santa Singh (the sardar) decided to change his religion. He joined a priest in a church as his assistant. One day the priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, He called Santa D'costa (his new assistant) and asked him to cover for him.
Santa told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to stay with him for a little while and learn what to do. Santa joined the priest and then followed him into the confessional.

A few minutes later a woman came in and said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"
Priest: "What did you do?"
Woman: " I committed adultery"
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times"
Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more"

A few minutes later a man entered the confessional.
He said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery"
Priest: "How many times?"
Man: "Three times"
Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more"

Santa, a quick learner, told the priest that he understood the job and the priest could leave. Santa D'costa was now alone.
A few minutes later another woman entered and said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"
Santa: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery"
Santa: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once"
Santa: "Go do it two more times, we have a special offer this week, three times for $ 5.00"

Don't hate anything in this world

2006-09-05T21:39:00.000-07:00

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it.
He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.
The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.
He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.
Hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?"
"Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions!!!

Moral: How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we will need their assistance.

Hindi PJ Sher Shayari and Jokes

2006-09-05T01:03:00.000-07:00

PJ Sher-Shayari:
tuje kya pata gum kise kahete hai?
arey tuje kya pata gum kise kahete hai?
tune to cellotape ko hi use kiya hai.

PJ Joke
Ek bar Sardar Gangubai ke ghar jata hai aur darwaja knock karta hai... Gangubai:"Kaun?"
Sardar:"Main!"
Gangubai:"Main kaun?"
Sardar:"tu gangubai!!!!!"

Ajit and Robert PJ:
Raabert : Baas, iss aadmi ne hamaare saath gaddary kee hai..
Ajeet : Iss kuththe ki ek haath mein titan ki ghadi aur doosre haath mein hmt ki ghadi pehnaado.
Raabert : Lekin baas, yeh to gaddaar hai.
Ajeet replies.......
Ajeet : Hum jaante hain, raabert. Isko bataana hai ki ab yeh do ghadi ka mehmaan hai.

PJ's to make u Think n Laugh

2006-09-05T00:44:00.000-07:00

Think on these PJ's and if you are unable to get the answers, check them out in comments section :)

PJ #1.
EK aadmi ki 6 ungliyan(6 fingers) hoti hain... sab log use "Hanuman" bulate hain... kyun???

PJ #2.
Whats the opposite of Real??
(Clue: Its COCONUT.... Y....Socho...??? )

PJ #3.
what is the vector form of sridevi????
(Hint: Tabu, confused? think... think...)

PJ #4.
Three cockroaches were going on the road, suddenly one of them started singing the song -- AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE.
Few mins later, all the three cockroaches died...... any idea why?????

PJ #5.
what is the cube of 13?
(Clue: its SUROOR. Go to comments section to know why :)

PJ #6.
Hema, Rekha , sushma and jaya are 4 friends.They all got marriage proposal from Shah Rukh, Salman, Aamir and Saif. But none of them is ready to accept any of the proposal. why?

Toilet Conversation

2006-09-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

Ever been in this situation before?

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying "Hi, how are you?"

I am not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine!"

And the other guy says "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question, "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but i figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "Nooo... I am little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously:
"Listen, I will have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!!!!!"

Home Phone Vs Work Phone

2006-09-01T04:59:00.000-07:00

You hear and laugh on almost all jokes but there are some really special and very hilarious, below is one such joke:

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

Say NO to Coke and Pepsi

2006-08-30T04:38:00.000-07:00

Jise samjha Lehar Pepsi,
Wo nikla Zeher Pepsi;
Jise samjha Coca Cola,
Wo nikla Dhoka Cola;
Is liye abse only Whisky,
Jo bilkul nahi hai risky !!

Husband Store - Husbands on SALE

2006-08-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . ..
you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit thebuilding!

A woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and areextremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Best Marriage Quotes and Jokes

2006-08-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Essay on Cow by a Bihari Candidate

2006-08-25T05:45:00.000-07:00

A essay written by a Bihari candidate.
You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate in a competitive Examinations.

The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, but will do so when he is got child. He is sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 tapsattached to his basement. horses dont have any such attachment. What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.
His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion.. gober is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard,but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the otherside. This is done to frighten away the flies.

Naughty Boys - The Bubble Story

2006-08-24T04:29:00.000-07:00

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, Lets start with the boys first.

Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.

Teacher was confused to listen but said, Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.
Yes next.

Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.

Teacher now got surprised and said, Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.

Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.

Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.
This continues...
and the last boy stands up Im Harry and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.

Exhausted, the teacher said, I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please.

First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.
Teacher: Good. At last I got something different.
Ok next.

Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.
Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next.

You sweet girl; Yes you...

Most beautiful girl of the class: Mam, my name is BUBBLE , and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.

Job Interview - Honest HR Question-Answers

2006-08-23T01:03:00.000-07:00

Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... but we give different, tailored and suitable answers to the HR!

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4.What would you do if we hire you?
Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is allotted to me.

5.What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company

6.What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job... more money

11.What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website

14.What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%)

Brilliant Excuses

2006-08-22T05:48:00.000-07:00

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked

"What are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her

"...And where do you think you're going?"

..
..
( You're gonna love this..... )
..
..

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!

PJ Sher - Nepali Style

2006-08-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

Pani re Pani tera rong kaisa
A building me nahi, B me kaisa
(heard it in my favorite "The Great Indian Comedy Show")

Visual Jokes - Miscellaneous

2006-08-18T00:57:00.000-07:00

Taj Mahal

Family Allowance

Our favorite stars - Santa aur Banta
Santa and his wife

If you can't read it properly, please click on the image to view the actual size.
* Sorry if you don't understand Hindi, we didn't get time to translate it in English.

Amazing Maths II - New Entry

2006-08-18T00:53:00.000-07:00

A new Brilliant entry:

Amazing Maths - The correct Mathematics

2006-08-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

Visual Jokes - Now this is called the true mathematics, what was taught to us was wrong ;)

Friendship Shayari

2006-08-06T05:48:00.000-07:00

Wish you all a very Happy Friendship Day! A friendship shayari:

Vo dosti hi kya jisme zagada na ho..
vo party hi kya jisme beer ki botal na ho...

enjoy!!!!!!!!!!! Have a blast!

Height of Communication Gap

2006-08-04T04:35:00.000-07:00

Mr.Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around hisneck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have ababy! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs.Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"
"Yes...... speaking"
AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"
"Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
"GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........."
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"
"I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .....hewill speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Love Bites

2006-08-04T02:50:00.000-07:00

You love someone,
U marry someone else
The one u marry becomes your wife or husband
And the one u loved becomes the password of ur mail id

Hindi Shayari - Two Different Perspectives

2006-07-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

1st:
Fizaon Ke Badalne Ka Intezar Na Kar,
Aandhiyon Ke Rukne Ka Intezaar Na Kar,
Channel Badal Aur FTV Laga Le Bachcha,
ESPN Par Sania Ke Zukne Ka Intezar Na Kar.

2nd:
Kashti Toofan Se Nikal Sakti Hai,
Taqdeer Kisi Bhi Waqt Badal Sakti Hai,
Hausla Rakh, Channel Na Badal,
Sania Mirza Kisi Bhi Waqt Zuk Sakti Hai.

Visual Joke - Trial version of Software

2006-07-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

I couldn’t stop laughing when I first saw this picture, it’s really funny and moreover it depicts the real picture of today’s computer users worldwide but in some other way ;)

Funny Leave Letters and Job Applications

2006-07-20T00:03:00.000-07:00

Most of you might have read these funny leave letters and job applications, but it's worth reading again and again. Enjoy and have a good laugh.

Leave Letters by employees
Company in Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

This is from one bigh MNC in Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

Another gem from a big Indian company in Pune. Leave letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

From a Government Company's Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

Leave letters by Students
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Covering note for a leave application

"I am enclosed herewith..."

Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

Letter writing

"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Mallu's Sense of Humor - Color Test

2006-07-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

A "Mallu" female ( **from the heart of Kerala) Went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY.

When the manager saw the Mallu's colourful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN."

Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.

So he told her "If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance. The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."

The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said :

I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW......BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number ........Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok? Thank you."

The Manager fainted.......

Office Humor – MisCommunication

2006-07-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

Jokes – Mis Communication in office
Here is an example of miscommunication in a company, the Boss of the company initiates a mail to invite his staff to witness an Eclipse and how his message is passed by employees at different levels in the hierarchy and finally how it reaches to the staff… Very funny…. Enjoy

Mail from CEO to Manager :
Today at 11 o’clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Mail from Manager to Department Head :
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This not something that can be seen everyday.

Mail from Dept. Head to Floor Manager :
The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Mail from Floor Manager to Supervisor :
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn’t happen every day. It will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Mail from Supervisor to Staff :
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a pity, this doesn’t happen everyday.

After Bird Flu, its ChikunGunya now

2006-07-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

Din me chain nahi,
Raat ko neend nahi,
Ang ang me dard vahi,
Ji na lage kahi,
E Bhagwan kya yehi pyar hai?
BHAGWAN : nahi beta, yehi CHIKUN GUNYA HAI

===== Cat: Sher-o-Shayari by Srinivas Ramshetty =======

Gujarati Jokes - Kanjoos Ahemedabadi

2006-07-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

An Ahmedabadi called the obituary section of a leading local newspaper.
He inquired-"Tell me, how much would it cost to have an obitualry printed in your Newspaper".
The ad clerk politely told him, "It would be Rupees 100 a word, sir!"
"Thats fine", said Lalloobhai Ahmedabadi after a moment of cost calculation. "OK, then take them down, Jagdukaka Dead" He dictated to the clerk.
"Oh, that's all?" asked the clerk anticipating big writeup for dear ones.
"Yes, that's it. And charge rupees two hundred to my credit card, please, here is number".
"Hold it Sir, I am sorry, but I should have informed you that the Ad must be for minimum five hundred rupees and you may have minimum five words".
Lalloobhai got annoyed at the failures of his cost calculations. He blasted the Clerk, "Yes, you should have told me that, ahead".
After a moment of updating his cost versus benefit calcs, he loudlly dictated again, "OK write, Jagdukaka dead, Honda for Sale".

Napoleon and Sardar PJ

2006-07-05T04:23:00.000-07:00

NAPOLEON : In my Dictionary there is no word called 'IMPOSSIBLE'....
Sardar : What's the use of saying it now, you should have checked it before buying !!

Nice story - Though Sardarji's involved

2006-07-05T03:47:00.000-07:00

Three Sardarjis went for a tour to singapore. They searched for rooms everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel. After taking rest they started for a local visit. While leaving the hotel the manager informed them that they should reach the hotel before 10.00pm or other wise lift will not be available and they have to take the steps. They agreed and went out.

After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30. Since lift is not available they decided to take the stairways, under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that has to last for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without much trouble.
After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said," I have a sad story to say, but i will tell at the end only".
Then second sardarji finished his story and the third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor. Then first sardarji asked what was the sad story. The third one said, " I forgot the room key which is on the manager's table".

They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said," I got a sad story, but I will also say that at the end". They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second sardarji said, " The keys where in my pocket only".

With anger and full tired, they once again start from the first floor. After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said, " I too have a sad story, but I will say at the end only". Then they reached the 100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad story, he replied: "This is not our hotel, It is on the other side of road, opposite to this".

Hyderabadi Shayari - Part II

2006-07-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

Hatha me hath milake,
Hatha me hath milake,
anguthi churake chali gayi,
abhi gale milne ko aari,
kya karthi ki kya ki……

chay piiney ko aake,
chay piiney ko aake,
saucer churake chali gayi,
abhi full meals ko aari,
kya karthi ki kya ki……..

pahaley iich mulakat me ,
pahaley iich mulakat me ,
five star me chuna lagai,
abhi date pe leke jao bolri,
kya karthi ki kya ki……….

sagai sagai bolkey,
sagai sagai bolkey,
puri shopping karali,
abhi shadi shadi bolri
kya karthi ki kya ki…….

===== Courtesy: Anilkumar Bommaganti. All hyderabad shayari's on this blog so far have been contributed by this Hyderabadi Shayar =======

New Age Hyderabadi Shayari - Funny

2006-06-28T00:05:00.000-07:00

Salaam aur Adaab... Here's one more hyderabadi shayari for all you Sher-o-Shayari lovers, directly from the peal city Hyderabad.

B4 u start here's explanations of a few words:
Kathey = slang used for the Word "said".
Naidu = Chandra Babu Naidu – AP former Chief Minister
Pailwani = Pahelwani
Chammak challow = Lover
Wasthay = For the sake of
Nazam = Kavita
Bhot = Bahuth

This has to be read in hyderabadi slang.....

Dekho kaisa aaya hai hitech zamana kathey!
khana peena nai-to-nai, computer aana kathey!!

Metric padhliye to bus dubai ku jaana kathey!
Riyal, Dirham nahin to Dollar bhot bhot kamana kathey!!

Maa ka Zewar baap ka pension bhi bechnaa kathey!
idhar-udhar say kuch bhi karkay amrika ku jaana kathey!!

Metric padhliye to bus doctorni say shaadi karna kathey!
Green card ke waastay khaali peeli ko bhi jhelnaa kathey!!

surat shakal nai-to-nai magar!
ADIDAS, ARMANI, Rado pehenkay chakkar chalana kathey!!

Kamaaow, nakkow-kamaaow shaadi karay tow bus!
Ghar kaisa bi chalaana katay!!

kabhi gazal, khabi nazam, kabhi shair, kahbi shayri, bolna kathey!
Chammak challow ku Taj mahal nai-to-nai ek villa to honaich kathey!!

Pahelwani say jee bhar gaya tow Khaadi pehenke neta Ban na kathey!
logaan marey to marey magar, Naidu ku-ich vote dena kathey!!

Bhagwaan ku Allah ku bhool ke Mandir-majjid ke wasthay ladna kathey!
Ladkar koyi marey tow marey kathey, apna raj hai tow kushal mangal kathey!

Khoon kisi ka bahey tow bahay kathey,
apna cold drink hai tow cool hai na kathey!

Kya Hain ki kya ki............. Maa ki Kirkiriiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :)

Beware of New Dangerous Virus - 4 all Working guys n gals

2006-06-16T00:14:00.000-07:00

Warning:
There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means, do not touch it. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.You should forward this warning to all your friends.
If you do not have friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Men n Women - men in danger

2006-06-14T23:27:00.000-07:00

1.
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying. "Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time." says the truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life." says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with the neighbor. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life. And then you show up and drink the poison."

2.
Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The Man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of h im . The Man was astonished.
H e went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The Man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing h im .
The man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

3.
A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"
"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.
"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.. The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

Funny Shero - Shayari

2006-06-13T21:23:00.000-07:00

Taj Mahal
Maibhi tere liye Tajmahal banaunga
ek cup subeh aur ek cup shyam ko pilunga (Taj Mahal tea)

Tere Naam
Baithe hai tere khayalon me
Kore kagaz pe likha hai tera naam
Tasvir bhi bana dali uspe aur likha ye paigam...
zinda ya murda pakdo aur lelo 5000 rupaye nakad inam

Laila Majnu shayri
Laila ko majnu ka sms nahi aaya..
laila ne do din se khana nahi khaya..
laila marnewali hai majnu ke pyar me..
aur majnu baitha hai sms free hone ke intejar me..

Dilbar mere
Agar hai tu mera dilbar..
agar hai tu mera dilbar..
to aaj ke dinner ka bill tu bhar...

Question to Moon
Maine pucha chand se... dekha hai kabhi mere yaar sa hasin?
Chand ne kaha chandni ki kasam '2 million entries found!'

D story of Parrots

2006-04-27T02:53:00.000-07:00

A woman went to her priest with a problem.
"Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prosti*utes. Wanna have some fun?' "

"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest.
But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitu*es. Wanna have some fun?"
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed
"Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

Sardars - Jokes and PJ's

2006-04-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

Sardar bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"

Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.

What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

Santa falls in luv with a nurse...After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next... Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: No, u'll die b'coz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

Q: A Man a sked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever - What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

The Lie Detector Machine

2006-03-26T04:50:00.000-08:00

A lie machine is bought.It works in the following way.....

If the truth is told- the machine wont give any sound, if a lie is told- the machine will give a sound 'KIRRRRRRRR...'

Now there are three Indians. One Bengali,one Madrasi and one Sardarji.

Their correspondences are given infront of the lie machine.Here it goes......

Bengali:- 'I think I can eat 30 rosogullas at a time!'
Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Bengali:-'No no, I think I can eat 10 rosogullas at a time'
Lie machine:- no sound(truth is told)

Madrasi:-'I think i can eat 25 dosas at a time'
Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Madrasi:-'No no,I think i can eat 10 dosas at a time'
Lie machine:-no sound(truth)

Sardarji:-'I think....'
Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR...'.
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR...'

Ehsaan Khureshi at his Best

2006-03-04T01:24:00.000-08:00

For all those who want to recall the sweet memories of Great Indian Laughter Challenge 1 or missed this special episode:

Ek din, main Delhi pahuncha,
Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha.
Coolie ne kaha: "Bahar jaake poocho."

Maine khud hi rasta dhundh liya,
Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha: "Bhai saab Lal Kile ka kitna loge?"
Jawab mila: "Bechna nahi hai."

Taxi chod, maine bus pakad li, Conductor se pooncha: "Ji, kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?"
Wo gurrra kar bola: "Hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai."
Maine kaha: "Par wo janab to pi rahe hai!"
Phir se gurrrraya: "Usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai."

Lal Kile pahucha, hotel gaya.
Manager se kaha: "Mujhe room chahiye, satvi manzil pe."
Manager ne kaha: "Rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?"
Room pahucha, waiter se kaha:"Ek paani ka gilas milega?"
Usne jawab diya: "Nahi sahab, yahan to saare kanch ke milte hain."

Hotel se nikla, dost ke ghar jaane ke liye, Raste me ek sahab se pooncha: "Janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?"
Janab hans kar bole: "Peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon,Yahi padi hai... kahin nahin jaati."

Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada, Usne poocha: "Kaise aana hua?"
Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, Maine bhi jawab diya: "Train se."
Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha:"Areeee sunti ho... mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, Uuse kuch taja taja khilao. Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha: "Taji hawa kha lijiye."

Dost ne phir se baday pyar se! ! biwi se kaha: "Areeee sunti ho, inhe jara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana."
Bhabiji ek baatli me rakha aachar le aayi.
Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha:"Bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi?"
Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya: "Yuhi agar sab ko chakhati To aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota?"

Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne potey ko sula rah thi, Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi: "Diploma so ja, diploma so ja."
Lori soon mein hairan hua aur dost se poocha:"Yaar, ye diploma kya hai?"
Dost ne jawab diya: "Mere grandson ka naam,Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye Aur saath mein ise le aayi, Isiliye hamne iska naam Diploma rakh diya."
Phir maine pooncha: "Aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?"
Dost ne jawab diya: "Bambai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye..

==========Courtsey: Shashank Mishra========================

Newton's Untold Laws

2006-02-27T20:34:00.000-08:00

Important and realistic laws that Newton forgot to state -

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Bird Flue - Then and Now

2006-02-23T01:56:00.000-08:00

Essay on Gareeb(Poor) family

2006-02-20T21:27:00.000-08:00

Once in a kindergarten, a teacher asked all students to write an essay on the topic "A Poor Family". One student gets the lowest marks for writing that essay. The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire class and her essay goes on as.......

She wrote:
Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono gareeb they, do bachey they, woh bhi bahut gareeb they!!

Ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb they, ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi bahut gareeb they. Ghar ke 4 kuttey bhi gareeb they, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha.

3 mercedeez car thi, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi, ghar ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha, aur uppar se ghar mein 1 saal se paint nahi hua tha!!

Family ko holiday ke liye foregin country gaye bhi 6 mahiney ho gaye they, Ghar ke 5 mein sey 2 TV to chaltey hee nahi they!!!
All in all, bahut hi gareeb family thi!!

================Courtesy: Vinod Sharma===============================

Love Shayari by Laila for Majnu

2006-02-19T04:16:00.000-08:00

Aap aaye bahar aayi
aap aaye bahar aayi
.... varna kabse ghar me baitheli thi :)
===Cat: Hindi funny shero Shayri===

Well guys I hope you will like the new look of Hera Pheri, post your views.

Teacher n Naughty Students (Hindi)

2006-02-16T20:46:00.000-08:00

SIR: BACHCHO KASAM KHAO KABHI SHARAB, CIGERETTE NAHI PIOGE, NON-VEG NAHI KHAOGE.

BACHCHE: NAHI KHAENGE SIR.

SIR: KABHI LADKIYON KO NAHI CHHEDOGE.

BACHCHE: THEEK HAI SIR.

SIR: JUA NAHI KHELOGE.

BACHCHE: OK SIR.

SIR: DESH KE LIYE JAAN BHI DE DOGE.

BACHCHE : DE DENGE SIR, AISI JAAN KA AUR KARENGE BHI KYA …..

Random pick - Really good ones

2006-02-15T22:18:00.000-08:00

Smart answer to a stupid question:
Q: Is it raining outside?
A: Does it ever rain inside?

The funny computer error message:

Shekhar Suman in Feb 15, 2006 The Great Indian Comedy Show:
"Someone(who cares) is going to produce a movie based on Mahabharat, the role of Draupadi has been awarded to the sexy Bipasha Basu, now there's a big fight in bollywood for the role of Dushshasana"
any guesses who will win the role? ;)

Good Puzzle - Tickle your brain

2006-02-15T02:40:00.000-08:00

A hen and her 3 little chickens were trying to cross a busy highway. After great efforts they all managed to cross it.
One of the little ones yells out happily-"Wow....after so much efforts, all 5 of us managed to cross"...

Question: Why does the little one say "all 5 of us" ????
Think a little bit & & . Its easy !

Well if you couldn't figure it out yet, check the answer in comment section of this post

Valentine Day Special - Love at first sight

2006-02-13T22:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine Day!

Famous and Funny Quotes on Beer

2006-02-12T22:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself,
"It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~ Frank Sinatra

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

Buffalo Theory:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. ! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

~ Cliff Clavin

Munna Bhai ka Matrimonial Advertisement.

2006-02-10T03:39:00.000-08:00

Apun Munnabhai!!!

Umar 30 saal,wajan 80 killo aur 5 -1/ 2 phoot height kya, poora kasrat body !!!
......abhi wo bole to, kya hai na apun ko bhi life me settle hone ka maangta, isiliye yeah adverteezment apun paper me chaap riye la hai...Apun maanta hai apun Tapori hai, bahut log ka pungi bajayela hai magar kya hai naa baap, apun ka bhi izzat hai markit me!!!
Apun ko bhi public shaadi-bia me bulati hai woh bhi izzat se!
Saal ka 5/6 peti to apun aaram se kama leta hai... buri aadat bole to daaru aur bidi, abhi daaru kaun nahi pita - yaar. Akkha bada bada log apun log se jaasti chada leta hai...

Ab chokiri apun ko aisa maangta hai... Bole to aik dam jhakas maal, patakha, aik dam patakha... thoda padi likhi hongi to chalenga koun ke saala yeah kabhi kabhi form bharne ke liye saala apun ko 25 log ka hath pair jodna padta hai.. Apun jo hai na shaadi ki baad aik dam sudhar jaayenga iman se... apun ka baccha log ko apun pada likka tapori banayinga...
bole to Tapori Doctor,Tapori computer waala aur bhi bohat kuch...
Maa kasam shadi ke baad apun kisi bhi chikni ko line nahi denga...
Dekho baap apun ko shadi ke baad me koi chokri ki phamily ka lafda nahi maangta hai.. han bole to kabab me haddi nahi banane ka kya!
Koi saala beech mein aayenga to uska game baja dalenga.
Abhi yeah sub accha lage to apun ko contact karne ka kya!

Apun ka addressss

>>>>> Munna bhai Mobile
> >> > Pappu Pager ka Right Hand,
> >> > Pakya Puncturewala ke pichchoo,
> >> > ShanPatti Nagar,
> >> > Hairan Gali No. 420,
> >> > Pareshan Road, Bhai Ka Area.

MunnaBhai and the Dean of College

2006-02-10T02:40:00.000-08:00

DEAN was speaking to the students regarding rules of the college:
"If any of the guys enter the gals' hostel
Rs.100 fine for the first time,
Rs.200 fine for the 2nd time
Rs.500 fine for the 3rd time."

Itne me Munnabhai ne poocha
.
.
.
"Bole to.. Monthly Pass ka kitna lagega Mamu?"

Secretary's Job sharing in office

2006-02-01T04:12:00.000-08:00

A secretary, out with appendicitis, was being visited by a co-worker in the hospital.
"How are things at the Office going, Claudia?" she asked.
"Well,  they're all sharing your work.
Jody is making the coffee, Louise is reading all your magazines,
and Sharon is making it with the Boss.

Funny Shero Shayari : Arz kiya hai

2006-01-31T05:51:00.000-08:00

Woh jab chalti hai to rahon me sau-sau ke note bicha deta hu
Woh jab chalti hai to rahon me sau-sau ke note bicha deta hu
Uske jane ke bad sab note utha leta hu....................

Ram ne dhanush toda aur sita daudi chali aayi,
Krishna ne bansuri bajayi aur radha bhagi chali aayi,
Maine khali ek sity bajayi aur woh apne bap ko le aayi............

pyar ek bar ho to use bholapan kahete hai,
agar do bar ho to use apnapan kahete hai,
tin bar ho to use deewanapan kahete hai,
aur agar bar bar ho to use KAMINAPAN kahete hai............

Kash mere dardo ki tuze aisi saza mile,
Kash mere dardo ki tuze aisi saza mile,
Tuze aayi ho bade jor se SuSu
Aur kahi karne ko jagah na mile...................

Sher sunane me to bada maza aata hai,
Sher sunane me to bada maza aata hai,
par jab asli sher samne aata hai....................
to aage gila aur piche pila ho jata hai
============= cat: Sher-O-Shayri====================

Malayalis - Question se Answer tak

2006-01-31T02:06:00.000-08:00

ITS JUST FOR FUN… TAKE IT EASY…..

Name the wonly part of the werld where Malayalis don't werk hard?
Kerala.

Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.

Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thoobai, to meet his ungle in the Gelff.

Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn menney.

What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

What is a Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yay.

Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.

Who found out that?
His andy.

What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto.

Who is a Malayali's famous yeactor end yaectress?
Moghan lal, Mammooti, Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.

Why is Kerala the most highly literate state in India?
Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapals from Kerala.

Why are Arab countries looking only for Keralites?
They are ready to do yennything for menney.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:You should at least send this post to:
10 Malayalis and you will receive cokknut oil, 20 Malayalis and you will receive bennena chips, 40 Malayalis you will receive appams,

Send this to 100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice
field behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month's supply of cokknut oil and bennena chips free

=================Courtesy: Shashank Mishra=========================

The funny parrot

2006-01-29T21:30:00.000-08:00

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.
Moments later, the woman’s husband Alex, came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Alex".

Job Interview: Candidate's Funny Answer

2006-01-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

When a Mechanical Engineer didn't get Job

2006-01-05T02:15:00.000-08:00

This is how they commit suicide!
=====Sender: Chaitanya_Potukuchi =============

Happy New Year 2006

2005-12-30T06:21:00.000-08:00

Wish you a very Fun filled n Hilarious New Year
Warm Regards,
Dinesh Gajbhiye

Alzheimers Eye Test - Great Puzzle

2005-12-26T20:41:00.000-08:00

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?.....3? Wrong.. check the correct answer in posted comments.

Hera Pheri Pic - Height of Cost Cutting

2005-12-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

(click on the Image to Enlarge)

Fattu People - Fulltoo Timepass

2005-12-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

After Finishing MBBS,
Dr. Munna starts his practice.
He checked 1st patient's eyes, tongue & ears by torch & finally said
BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI

Narad Muni dharti par madira peene aaye,12 botal pilane ke baad
Theke wala: Apko chadhti kyun nahi ?
Narad: MAIN BHAGWAAN HOON.
Theke wala: Chad gayi saley ko.

Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

jis tarah heere ko heera kaatha hai...
sone ko sona kaatha hai....
lohe ko loha kaatha hai....
theek usi tarah dekh lena ek din tumhe kutta katega....
==============Submitted by Srinivas Ramshetty ====================

Funny English Usage in Leave Letters and Application

2005-12-14T03:57:00.000-08:00

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India...

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster! :
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post."

Girls are incomplete without Boys

2005-12-12T20:37:00.000-08:00

WOMAN has MAN in it .
SHE has HE in it.
Mrs. has Mr. in it.
LADY has LAD in it.
MISTERESS has MISTER in it.
MADAM has ADAM in it.
HOSTESS has HOST in it.
FEMALE has MALE in it
...................and so on the list is never ending

SO NO need to be proud ....Girls

YOU are always incomplete without Boys....
======================Submitted by Natwar Rathi =======================

Weird Computer Problems and Tech Support

2005-12-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

Computer Problems and the Technical Support Guys

CD in drive
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen!
Tech support: OK, I see Aaaa!

White Comp
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

Icon on Left
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

Printer Problem
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

Password
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

AntiVirus Program
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

Screen Saver
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

==================Cat: Internet/Computer Jokes===============

The Software Guys n Process of Delivering a Baby

2005-12-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

Project Manager: is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer: Is a Person who thinks a single woman cannot deliver a baby in nine months.
Onsite Coordinator: Is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client: Is one who knows that it takes a man, a woman & nine months to deliver a baby, But expects otherwise.
Marketing Manager: Is a person who thinks I can deliver a child whether a man and woman is available or not.
Resource Optimisation Team: Thinks I don't want man or woman, I'll still produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team: Will think I don't care how a child is delivered, I'll just document 9 months.
Quality Analyst(QA): This is the only person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce baby.
==================Cat: Internet/Computer Jokes ====================

The Login Password Problem....

2005-12-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password.

"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.

"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."

"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me!"
============Cat: Computer/Internet Jokes ========================

Proof of global warming......

2005-12-05T20:56:00.000-08:00

=================Submitted by Nishant Ingle ===================